Rough and Tumble Play: A Dad's Guide to Safe Fun

It is half six, you have just got in, and before your coat is off there is a small person launching themselves at your legs shouting “Wrestle!” Many dads feel a bit unsure about this. Is it too rough? Will someone get hurt? Should it be calmer before bed? In my experience as a coach and from talking to lots of parents, rough and tumble play is one of the best things you can do with your kids, as long as you keep it safe and set a few simple rules. It is also a sneaky workout for you.

What is rough and tumble play?

It is the physical, playful wrestling, chasing, tickling and pretend fighting that children naturally love. Pillow fights, “monster” chases around the living room, piggyback rides, play-wrestling on the bed. The key word is play: everyone is laughing, nobody is trying to hurt anyone, and the roles swap around.

It is different from real fighting. In play, faces are smiling, children come back for more, and the stronger player (usually you) holds back so the game keeps going.

Why it is good for kids

• It keeps them active. The NHS physical activity guidelines for under-fives recommend at least 180 minutes of activity spread across the day for toddlers and pre-schoolers, and older children need an average of at least 60 minutes a day according to the guidelines for children and young people. A good wrestle gets their heart going fast.
• It builds strength and coordination. Pushing, pulling, rolling, climbing and balancing all develop the body in ways sitting cannot.
• It teaches self-control. Kids learn how hard is too hard, how to read your face, and how to stop when someone says stop.
• It builds connection. Lots of laughter and physical closeness. For dads who work long hours, ten minutes of wrestling can be the best bit of the day for both of you.
• It lets off steam. A child who has been sitting all day at school often needs to move before they can settle.

Rough and tumble play: safety rules for dads

The aim is fun without tears. These are the house rules I suggest:

1. Clear the space. Move coffee tables, toys with sharp edges and anything breakable. A rug, a mattress on the floor or a lawn is ideal.
2. Have a stop word. Agree a word like “pause” or “freeze”. When anyone says it, everyone stops straight away. Practise it in the game so they learn it works.
3. No heads, necks or faces. No grabbing necks, no hitting faces, no pulling hair. Keep it to arms, legs and tummies.
4. You go at 20%. You are much stronger than them. Let them win often, but not every time, so they learn to try hard.
5. Babies are different. Gentle bouncing and tummy time play is lovely, but never throw a baby in the air or shake them. Always support the head and neck.
6. Match the age. Toddlers need slow, gentle games. Older kids can handle more pushing and rolling. Keep siblings of very different sizes on a fair footing.
7. Watch the mood. If someone is crying, angry or not laughing any more, stop and calm it down.
8. Finish calmly before bed. End with a “slow-motion” round, a cuddle or a stretch so they can settle.

Games to try

Sumo push

Kneel facing each other on a soft floor. Hands on shoulders, try to push the other person off balance. Great for older kids’ core strength.

Escape the bear

You lie on the floor as a sleepy bear. Your child has to get from one side of the room to the other while you slowly reach for their ankles. Swap roles.

Tickle tunnel

Make a bridge in a plank or bear crawl position. Kids crawl under. Every so often the tunnel “collapses” gently and tickles them.

Pillow knights

Soft pillows only, aimed at the body, and stand on a line. First person to step off loses.

Dad mountain

Lie on your back. Kids try to climb over you while you slowly roll side to side. A fantastic core workout for you.

A workout for you, too

Ten minutes of wrestling is surprisingly hard work. You are on the floor, getting up, rolling, holding planks and lifting small bodies. That makes it a useful bit of movement for busy dads, but it also means your back takes a lot of strain. Hinge from your hips when you lift, keep the child close to your body and do not twist while holding them. My post on back pain from lifting kids explains how to protect yourself. If you have an existing back or joint injury, check with your GP or a physio before adding lots of floor play.

Where a bootcamp class fits

Rough and tumble play asks a lot of your body: strength off the floor, a strong core, good hips. Training those things makes playtime easier and safer. In my classes we practise getting up and down from the floor, carries and core work every week. My SYP Built To Last class focuses on exactly this kind of real-life strength. For more ways to get moving with little ones, see my dad and toddler activities and playgrounds near Archway and Highgate.

FAQs

Is play-fighting good for children?

Generally yes. When it is playful and supervised, it helps children stay active, build coordination and learn self-control. Keep clear rules and stop if anyone gets upset.

At what age can you start play-wrestling?

Gentle physical play like rolling, bouncing on your knee and tummy time starts in babyhood. More active wrestling suits toddlers and older children. Never throw or shake a baby.

How do I stop play-wrestling getting too rough?

Use a stop word, keep heads and necks off-limits, and stop the game the moment someone is not laughing. Finishing with a calm activity helps.

Is rough play OK before bedtime?

It can be, if you end with a slow wind-down. Some children get too wired, so do it earlier in the evening if bedtime becomes a battle.

Book your first class

Want the strength and energy to keep up at home? SYP Bootcamp runs 45-minute small-group classes in Archway N19, max 10 people, £15 a class, indoors in a church hall, and every exercise has an easier and harder option. Book my £15 class or call or WhatsApp me on 07301 512215. If you live up the hill, I also offer 1-1 sessions as a personal trainer in Highgate.

About the author

Artem Olekhnovych is a personal trainer in Archway and the founder of SYP Fitness and SYP Bootcamp. He has coached clients in Archway, Highgate and across North London for over 10 years, and runs small-group bootcamp classes for busy mums and dads. Read reviews from his 1-1 clients.