Mum Guilt and Exercise: Why Your Workout Matters

You finally have 45 minutes free, and instead of feeling excited you feel guilty. Shouldn’t you be with the kids? Doing the washing? Catching up on work? Mum guilt and exercise go together far too often, and for a lot of the parents I meet, guilt is a bigger barrier than time, money or fitness.

I am Artem, a personal trainer in Archway and a coach to a lot of tired parents over the past 10 years. I am not a therapist. If guilt is part of a wider feeling of low mood, anxiety or not coping, please read the section near the end and speak to your GP or health visitor. For everyday guilt, though, here are some practical ways to think about it.

Why mum guilt and exercise clash

Guilt usually comes from a story we tell ourselves: that good parents put themselves last, and that time spent on your own health is time taken from your family. It is an understandable story. It just does not hold up well when you look at it closely.

Look at what the NHS asks of every adult. The NHS physical activity guidelines say adults should aim for at least 150 minutes of moderate activity or 75 minutes of vigorous activity a week, plus strengthening activities on at least 2 days. That is not a luxury list for people with spare time. It is the baseline health advice for all of us, parents included.

Five ways to reframe the guilt

1. Treat it like any other health appointment

You would not feel guilty going to the dentist. Put your session in the calendar the same way, as a fixed, non-negotiable appointment. When it is planned, it stops feeling like something you are sneaking off to do.

2. Remember who is watching

Children copy what we do far more than what we say. When they see you lacing up your trainers, they learn that moving your body is a normal part of grown-up life. That is a gift, not a theft of their time.

3. Count the return

Notice how you feel after you exercise. Many parents tell me they come home calmer and more patient. Write it down the first few times so you can remind yourself when the guilt creeps in.

4. Make it small enough to not argue with

If 45 minutes feels impossible to justify, start with 20. A brisk walk round the block, a short home workout or a few minutes of strength work all count. My post on how to find time to exercise as a busy parent has more ideas.

5. Bring them with you sometimes

Not every workout has to be child-free. A buggy walk, a park game or a family bike ride ticks both boxes. If you have a little one at home, see workouts you can do with a baby.

Practical things that reduce the guilt

• Agree it in advance with your partner or support network. A swap system works well: you take Tuesday evening, they take Saturday morning.
• Pick a time that costs the family least. Early morning, after bedtime, or during a nap if someone else is home.
• Keep it close to home. Less travel means less time away, and less to feel guilty about.
• Stop when the session ends. Go, train, come home. No guilt-inducing hour of scrolling afterwards.
• Talk to other parents. You will quickly realise almost everyone feels the same.

When it is more than guilt

Feeling guilty from time to time is normal. But the NHS lists feeling guilty, worthless or that you are a bad parent as one of the signs of postnatal depression, alongside things like low mood, feeling hopeless, anxiety, and difficulty sleeping even when you get time to rest. The NHS says symptoms can begin during pregnancy, soon after birth, or up to a year after, and it is important to get help even if you only have some of the signs.

If that sounds like you, please speak to your GP, midwife or health visitor. You can read more on the NHS postnatal depression page, which also mentions that you can refer yourself to NHS talking therapies. Dads and partners can struggle too. Exercise can be part of looking after yourself, and the NHS suggests regular exercise such as a short daily walk, but it is not a substitute for proper support.

Where a small-group bootcamp fits

One of the things I hear most from parents at SYP Bootcamp is that the class stops feeling selfish once it is just part of the week. It is 45 minutes, close to home in Archway, with a group of other mums and dads juggling the same things. Classes are capped at 10 people and cost £15. You turn up, train, and you are home again quickly.

You can see this week’s class times on the booking page.

FAQs

Is it selfish to exercise when you have kids?

No. The NHS recommends regular activity for all adults, and looking after your health helps you look after your family. Planning it with your partner or support network makes it feel fairer for everyone.

How do I stop feeling guilty about going to the gym?

Schedule it like an appointment, start with short sessions, notice how you feel afterwards and talk openly with your partner about sharing the time. If guilt is constant or overwhelming, speak to your GP or health visitor.

How can I exercise without leaving my children?

Brisk buggy walks, park games, family bike rides and short home workouts while they play nearby all count towards your weekly activity.

You are allowed to look after yourself

Forty-five minutes a couple of times a week is not taking anything from your family. Book my £15 class or WhatsApp me on 07301 512215 if you want to talk it through. And if you and your partner would rather train together so neither of you feels left out, have a look at partner personal training in Archway.

About the author

Artem Olekhnovych is a personal trainer in Archway and the founder of SYP Fitness and SYP Bootcamp. He has coached clients in Archway, Highgate and across North London for over 10 years, and runs small-group bootcamp classes for busy mums and dads. Read reviews from his 1-1 clients.